


Fissures

by LadyCoccinelle



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Drabble, Gen, something like depression?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5873335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCoccinelle/pseuds/LadyCoccinelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chat cracks under the pressure, broken by the unrealistic expectations he has to meet from both sides of the mask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fissures

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first drabble, from this post: http://ladycoccinelle.tumblr.com/post/137532332777/unluckyfortunes-frostmatey
> 
> I'm sorry if there are errors or if the writing feels weird, English is not my first langage. I hope you'll still like it however. Thank you for taking the time to read !

Chat Noir angrily punches a wall, screaming in rage.

“I’m sick of all of this! Those stupid” he punches again, “unrealistic,” another punch, “annoying,” his joints begin to bleed, “impossible to achieve,” he snarls, ignoring the pain, the bleeding from his bruised hands, “expectations of me!”

He glares at the brick wall in front of him, panting heavily, his chest constricted with the pain he held for so long, his heart aching for some display of affection, of reassurance. His shoulders slump in defeat, giving up on all the stress that keeps building up on them.

With a quavering sigh, his back slides down the wall and he hugs his knees, trying to ignore the spiralling, dark thoughts that keep latching at his mind, each more depressing than the last. 

“I’m a failure,” he mumbles, and he hides his head in his arms. “A failed human being, what use of me now that I can’t do anything? No one loves me anymore, no one knows me at all.”

He feels his soul fissuring, cracking apart as he himself strips it in small pieces, alone in his own empty world. 

“What went wrong? When mother disappeared, I-I did my very best. I-I thought father would be happy i-if I did what he asked of me.” A lump forms in his throat and he can’t talk, he can’t breath and he feels like he’s suffocating. He gulps for air and tears streak down his face, large and warm and he hiccups, sobs until his throat hurts. “I-I did it for so long, but he never, never, never once looked at me w-with love in, in his eyes. And-and then, then I got my Miraculous.” A painful cry leaves his cracked lips and he tightens his hold around his knees, feeling uncomfortably warm, a hotness stuck under his skin, on his face. 

He doesn’t hear the footsteps behind him because of the rush of blood in his ears, the erratic beating of his heart, hard against his chest. Suddenly, he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looks up. Green meets blue, breaking against confusing. Ladybug cups his face, taking the sight of her partner biting his lips to stop them from trembling, the tears that keep falling down, and the pupil of his eyes, a tiny slit filled with fear, longing, pain. 

“Chat,” she whispers, her voice breaking, but she forces it out, stronger this time, “Chat, what’s wrong? What has happened?”

She crouches next to him, gently taking his hands in hers and she let out a gasp when she sees blood, only to look at the wall behind him, then at his eyes, worry etching on her face, deep in the blue of her eyes. He’s trembling from head to toes now, his eye wide in fear and she starts stroking her thumbs on the back of his hands, trying to reassure him, to get him to open to her. She can’t stand to see him like this, she feels her heart coming to her throat at the sight, dejected, _broken_ in a way she has never seen before. She wonders, where is her Chat, the one who flirts and makes puns and grins, where is he, in all this pain, she wonders again as she searches his face, anything to let her know what had him in this state. Was it the Akuma of today? No, he had been normal, had he? Was it personal then? But wouldn’t he have shown signs before? Was it her? She feels dread wash over her. She was his partner, his best friend, she was supposed to know when something was wrong, he was supposed to tell her when something was wrong. But he had ended up like this, and all she could do was stare and ask why, because no other words want to leave her mouth.

“Chat, _please_ , tell me what’s wrong I-I can’t stand watching you like this!” she murmurs quickly, tightening her hold on his hands to stop them from trembling.

“E-even you My Lady,” he whispers back and she swears she sees a sudden fright in his eyes as cold water seems to drip down his back, “you don’t know me, do you?”

“But of course I know you!” she answers forcefully, too quickly, too roughly. “You’re my partner Chat, we have fought alongside each other for so long. I know you…,” she says slowly, almost a breath at the end. She feels it in the way his eyes look at the ground, she feels it in the pit of her stomach. It is the masks again, that whole other part she refuses to know. For good reasons, she tries to assure herself, but the words seem feeble, like a lie to her ears.

“You don’t My Lady. A-All you see, it is only part of me, the flirting chaton who follows you everywhere, the side-kick of Ladybug, the other member of the duo Ladybug, the other superhero in town, alongside Ladybug,” his voice breaks then, and her lips tremble, her breath hitches as she feels knots and twists in her stomach. “Milady, you never wanted to know the other me so I respected that, I-I kept it all inside, but I can’t anymore it-it’s just too much, you know. The pressure, I mean. Lying is all I do, to my friends, family, even myself!”

His strangled cry hits her and tears start to drift gently along her cheeks, cold against the air.

“I was nothing to begin with – an empty shell my father filled for his needs. With my Miraculous, I thought I could be something again b-but I just keep failing. I can’t save you, I can’t save the city, can’t cleanse the Akuma. I’m merely the funny side-kick that serves as a decoy and a stooge for Ladybug.”

All her confidence shatters and the words keep pouring from his mouth. She wants to stop him, to put them in a box, lock it and drop it in the Seine and never talk about it again. She wants to put her hands over her ears, to block the sounds, to squelch the arising feeling of guilt that slowly grinds her spine. But she forces herself to listen because she knows that it is partly her fault. For not noticing this crave he has for affection, recognition. As his partner, she should have been able to notice it, she tells herself. She thinks back of the signs, all the times she shoved him aside to do things her own way. But amidst that, she sees all the time he was there for her, to cheer her up, help her. He’s not useless like he says. The words echo in her heart, invigorating her body again. She swiftly swipes her tears and takes a deep breath.

“Chat,” she says, gentle but firm, “look at me.”

He doesn’t move so she forces him to look at her in the eyes. The glint seems extinguish, dead. She cups his face, inching closer.

“I may not know you behind the mask, Chat, but I know you as the one who always helps me, if only with your presence. I didn’t see the signals you sent me and I apologize, I was a bad partner.”

He tries to interrupt but she cuts him off, putting a finger to his lips.

“Don’t say otherwise, I didn’t do you justice by always dodging the matter of our alter-ego and by that, ignoring your pain. I didn’t notice that I was always at the front, underestimating your abilities. I took you for granted and that is not alright. I should have been there for you sooner, but now I’m here and I’ll be making things clear once and for all.”

Suddenly, she’s in his arms, clutching at his neck, burying her face in his hair, blond and so messy, curling up against him, trying to pass some of her warmth, all the affection she has for him.

“I like you very much Chat and you do a lot more than you might think. Just by being at my side, I know you have my back, you aren’t useless. You compensate for my seriousness, as I only think duty behind the mask, but you remind me of the freedom of it, the fun you can have.” She tightens her hold and his muscles seem to relax and he slouches against her, heavy, but she doesn’t mind. Slowly, he warps his arms around her and she begins to play in his hair.

“And,” her voice breaks, “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I might not show it very much, but you’re my best friend and we share a very special bond that no one else has.” She feels the tears again, but this time, she let them fall freely on his blond hair while trying to keep the sobs out of her voice. “That you couldn’t talk to me about this, about all this pressure, it isn’t right. So,” her voice is barely above a whisper now as she says, “if it helps you, then I’ll reveal my identity.”

She moves away, slowly, and she meets his eyes again. He seems more alive, a little spark of life around all the gloominess that irradiates from him. They stare at each other for a long time, thinking about if this is the right thing to do. But Ladybug, no, Marinette, has no more fear, no guilt or doubts.

And then he smiles, slowly, timidly, a smile that strikes a chord deep inside of her, and he says with a rough voice, “As you wish, Milady,” and never before as the nickname brought more joy in her heart.


End file.
